Soul Survival

I apologize in advance for the length of this story, but it's a bit detailed. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

One night in 1993, I was alone at night in my trailer on the remote coastline of Big Sur, Ca. I was waiting for my boyfriend, Dan to get back from town. He said he'd be back fairly early. As the time grew later I began to get angry as girlfriends all over the planet are prone to do when their boyfriends are late coming home. This, unfortunately, was not the first time Dan had been late coming home. But somehow it felt different this time. I was really worried. To make matters even worse we had no telephone on the property, so even if he was just staying at a friend's house in town, he couldn't call me to let me know.

I was starting a new waitressing job at 6 a.m. the next morning and knew I had to get some sleep, but I just had a sense of dread, like something bad was going to happen to him. The clock ticked on toward midnight and I decided that I had to go to sleep because there was nothing I could do for him, I didn't even know if he was still in town or on Highway One coming home. Then I remembered that there *was* something I could do for him. I remember clearly saying to my Guardian Angels "Please go and look after Dan and keep him safe." I couldn't be there for him, but I could send my Guardian Angels to watch over him. I loved Dan like I had never loved anyone before. I felt like if I lost him, I'd be lost forever. That's how much I loved him. Probably too much!

Anyway, I drifted off to sleep and started to dream. And it was the worst dream I've ever had in my entire life! In my dream I was standing outside of my trailer in the grassy yard and Dan and my sister, Margherita, were inside the trailer. It was dark and I was watching them through the window of the trailer, about 30 feet away. They started arguing and the argument escalated and all of a sudden I felt this incredible anguish/pain/sorrow/despair/hopelessness. I have to use all those words because this feeling was 100 times worse than any bad feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life. It felt like all the pain in the entire world was weighing me down and there was absolutely no escaping it. Total loss of hope. Then my feet were sinking into the earth and I was frozen and I couldn't move to save myself. I started wailing and screaming in anguish, all the horrible feelings coming out in sound. And then I knew in my conscious mind that I had to wake up. That it was crucial to my very soul that I awake from this dream. Really, I mean it was crucial to the survival of my *very soul* that I wake up from this dream. It was no ordinary nightmare. So I was consciously trying to wake up from this dream and I couldn't. And this was odd because I've easily made myself wake up from bad dreams before. And then something woke me up.

What had woken me up at around 1 a.m. was the sound of a rattle trap truck coming up the rutted driveway. I was shaking and sweating and breathing hard and just completely befuddled and frightened. At the same time I was hopeful because I thought it might be Dan coming back from town. But it turned out to be these two young men who lived in the area. They came and knocked on my trailer door. I was completely shocked to find them there because I knew them socially but wasn't really friends with them. They didn't have the best reputation, if you know what I mean. I let them in ( I lived in a community area with about 10 other trailers housing my fellow employees, so I wasn't worried about their "intentions") They said they'd been driving down the highway on their way home from Humboldt County (which, oddly enough, is the county I live in now!) when they decided to stop by and visit me and get a drink of water. I thought that was very strange. Getting a harebrained thirst at 1 a.m. and then thinking of coming to my house to get a drink of water. But they woke me up from that dream.

By the time they left about 15 minutes later I had calmed down a lot and I fell back to sleep. I woke up in time to get to my new job. I was exhausted from getting less then 4 hours of sleep and still worried about Dan, but I'd been unemployed for 4 months and there was no way I could call in sick on my first day at my new job. When I showed up at the restaurant for my first day of work I walked into the kitchen to clock in and Kevin, the headwaiter looked at me like I was crazy for being there. I said, "What, am I not scheduled today? I thought today was my first day!" He said, "I'm just really shocked to see you here. "I thought you'd be at the hospital by now." And that's how I found out that around 12:00-12:30, just after I'd sent my guardian angels to go look after Dan, he'd been in a really bad head on collision about 3 miles from home. He'd broken both his ankles and his collarbone and had a cut on his neck about a half an inch away from his jugular vein.

The other driver was someone we knew and he was fine. Only minor injuries. Both cars were totaled and there was not a soul on the road at that hour. But Hans, the other driver, told me later that a man came along and said he'd go to the nearest pay phone (which happened to be outside the restaurant I was scheduled to work at the next morning) and call an ambulance. Hans didn't get the man's name and the man never came back after calling the ambulance. Was this man an angel, or just a passerby on the highway? I will never know. Hans took care of Dan until the ambulance arrived about 45 minutes later and Dan eventually made a full recovery. No, we didn't get married and live happily ever after. We broke up a year later when I left for college, but we bonded deeply over that traumatic experience and we still keep in touch.

Since that day over twelve years ago, I have found out a few things. When I told the story to someone they said that instead of sending *my* guardian angels to Dan I should have called on *his* guardian angels to protect him. By sending my guardian angels away from me I had left myself open to dark forces. I was spiritually vulnerable and that explains the dream that I have never forgotten and will never forget. I truly believe that what I experienced in that dream was something trying to suck me into hell. I now know that hell exists and it isn't a fiery pit. It is dark and there is the absence of all hope and love and constant anguish. And I also believe that even though my personal angels were busy taking care of Dan, God was still looking out for me and protecting me by putting that harebrained idea into those two young men's heads to come and visit me at 1 a.m., thereby waking me up from the grip of that nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I also believe that my angels saved Dan's life that night. When I saw his car, I was horrified. I couldn't believe he and Hans had survived that accident. Not only were both of their cars completely smashed, but they had missed going over a hundred foot cliff by only 2 feet.

I was raised Roman Catholic and I guess you could say I am what you'd call a "lapsed Catholic". I haven't set foot in a Catholic church in years. But when times have been really hard in my life, I've always been grateful for the faith that was instilled in me by Christian teachings. And I have called on my guardian angels for help and guidance a lot over the years and they've always been there for me, even though I've never seen them. I always know they are there and I think that they are responsible for little warnings and intuitions that I get throughout the day. I have told this story to a lot of people over the years because of how intense it was for me. I don't think many of them believe me, but I really don't care. I know what happened and I know it's true even though I can't prove it scientifically. Everyone has angels and there are times when we can even act the angel for someone else who really needs it.

Thanks for being there and allowing people to share and affirm their own experiences.