Still With Me Today

It was one of the loneliest days in my life. I was struggling with family and personal issues when I lost the will to live. What I did next seem like a dream to me, but it wasn't. I opened the medicine cabinet and took a bottle of pills, one by one.

I suddenly realized what I had done and fell to my knees and cried. I prayed, telling God that I did not want to die, I just wanted the emotional pain I'd been suffering to go away. I prayed for what seemed to me as hours.

When my roommate returned from work, I told her what I did and asked her to take me to the hospital. The doctor who saw me, later claimed that there had been nothing in my system to indicate that I had taken those pills.

A few days later, I had what I think might have been a dream but I was not asleep.

I suddenly felt myself next to a bright light surrounded by darkness. I had the feeling I was sitting on God's lap. I tried to turn and look at his face but the light was too bright and it hurt my eyes to turn towards it. This incredible sense of unconditional love and peace overcome me. I somehow new who I was with and didn't have to ask.

I felt unworthy and apologized repeatedly to this amazing being who just wanted to love me. I communicated to him in a way I believe to have been telepathic. I started to tell him of my problems and before I could finish, he told me he knows and understands. He told me not to worry and that everything will be all right. We started walking together and encountered a dessert. I remember as we walked on the sand I looked back and noticed only one set of footprints and was suddenly confused.

I asked God why there was only one set of footprints when I realized he was carrying me. He told me that no matter what my trials on earth may be, I would never carry the burden myself. He feels what I feel. His last words to me was "I will always be with you."

When I returned to consciousness, I cried with relief that I was not alone and vowed never to attempt to take my own life again. The feeling of unconditional love and peace is still with me to this day.