The Courage to Change

I would like to share my latest experience as I see it. It was a couple of weeks before school started. I had hit a bottom, so to speak emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I have been ill for the past four years with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I never truly accepted this, I knew deep within I can and will overcome this pain.

Then it came one evening as I sit in this pain, I said to my dear friend John, "Something has to change, I'm tired John, I can't live this way any longer." I felt angry and in my anger I said, "I do not want any more of my spiritual dreams, no more." Then when the dust settled and John had left, I sat in my rocker as I often do to meditate. I looked up with tears flowing down my face I cried out. "Help Me! I am ready and willing, what do I do for me"? I went to bed, slept fairly well and got up still feeling this heaviness. Something unusual happened, I felt very tired and needed to go back to bed. I fell asleep right away.

I had a dream. I dreamed I was sitting in my rocker that is in my living room. My deceased brother Wetzel came into the room, He said, "I have a gift for you" and continued to give this gift to me. I said, "No I cannot except this gift, people will not understand because your physically dead." He continued and placed this gift around my left tricep, from which a big key hung.

I stood up, Wetzel was then behind me. I tried to turn around to see him, but could not. I tried repeatedly but could not. Then I realized that this was not important. I looked above and straight ahead, light was beaming towards me. I said, "Ok I surrender, your will be done for me." Then I felt this being behind me. It was not just my brother, it was everything, it was God! I then felt this beautiful being standing right behind me with hands supporting my arms, as I reached out into this light of love.

I then began to fly. I flew through buildings, buses and people. Wow! what a feeling of peace, strength and love. With this being still behind me, I then began to climb this mountain. I got almost to the top and I stopped overwhelmed with fear. This being of love held me up while I faced my fear. I looked above and there appeared a dark Angel, I knew this was my own fear I was looking at. I closed my eyes tightly and said, "You can do this, just believe." I reached out afraid. Then I went over the top of the mountain into space. I can't begin to tell you the feeling of love that has always been there, had come to life. I then came closer to earth still flying, but now with more confidence. I could see this big building ahead of me it was black with spots of color everywhere. I looked to my right and I could see these big beautiful paintings. Then, this being still behind me said to me, "You have done this a few times haven't you?" I smiled and continued flying through this building. I woke with such awareness and confidence. This is when I made the choice to go to school and to face my deepest fear. The fear of failure, just seemed like to much to bare. But now deep within myself, I found the courage to change.

May I continue to change and through my changes find all that I seek. I desire to be free from self, so that I may love, as God loves me. I am grateful to all who comes into my path, for they are my reflection. Through you I can see me. Through you I can find within me the courage to change.

Kathryn