No Goodbye

I was always Daddy's little girl from the time I could walk. We did everything together sharing a common interest in horses. Dad was a Minister and after church every Sunday wed saddle up the horses and go for our five mile ride. As I grew up we grew closer still, I loved him so much.

Dad was in his seventy -sixth year when he was rushed to London Ont. with an undiagnosed illness. Drifting in and out of a coma Dad would communicate with my two sisters and Mom but was never awake when I was there. He told my sisters to look after my mother, but no instructions for me. One day we were all visiting including my daughter, Amanda. Dad woke up to say goodbye to everyone and tell Amanda he was so delighted that she came to visit her Grandad, but ---no message for me.

Dad passed away, I stood like a rock for everyone throughout the next week. I was hurt and I was angry. I couldn't understand if Dad loved me so much why I was the only one he hadn't communicated with. Well things changed about three weeks later.

I dreamed that I woke up and I was standing in what appeared to be an army barracks. Beds lined the wall but my attention was drawn to the other side of the room. A golden light shone over one of the beds while nurses were busy wheeling away monitors and other pieces of machinery. One nurse looked at me and shook her head sadly at me. I was compelled to walk over to the bed and look down. There was Dad lying there with his eyes closed. I started to cry then to sob. Suddenly I heard a voice saying. "What are you crying for Love?" I looked down again and Dad was smiling at me. He said, "Don't cry for me Love, cry for yourself , you know where I am and you know that I am happy." I sobbed, "But Dad, How do I know I'm going to see you again?" "Don't be afraid. When it is your time to come, I will be there waiting to show you the way to Jesus."

With those words the vision dispelled and I woke up to find my pillow soaked in tears and the tears still flowing. I cried for about three days, not from despair but for the much needed greiving that is the beginning of the healing process. Since then Dad has appeared to me at various times, I figure just to check in and reaffirm his promise and love.