Watching Over Me

Sunday November 6, 2005 was the last night I drank, and thanks to the grace of God and his angels, I am here to tell you about it. The night was no different from so many other nights. I was out, I was drinking, and as the night wound down, I did not want to stop my drinking for the night. I wanted more. A co-worker invited me over to his home, and suggested I follow him. It was about a 30 mile trip out of Northern VA. around the DC Beltway, and in to MD where he lived.

While I was driving, I knew I should not have been driving, but I did not care. I was in another blind pursuit of a drink. I knew at any point I would get pulled over and get a DUI. That was my only worry at the moment. I continued on though. I was also very depressed at this point in my life. I spent the entire trip trying to reach my Ex-wife on the phone, and I left her many messages. What I said, I do not know. I remember having thoughts of just how fast I could take an off ramp or an on ramp. I was out of control, and I new it.

As I swerved from one lane to the next, or drove up on the side walks out of control, I did not care. I just wanted to get to my friends house to keep drinking. It was not until I sobered up at my friends house the next morning and pieced together the night based upon what I remembered, and I was filled with the remorse, guilt, and fear that I almost killed someone the night before. It is difficult to describe in words the crazy thoughts I had that night, and the fact that I did not care if they happened. I even remember trying to push my truck to the limit and over it as I drove so I would wreck. However the next morning, I knew the only way I survived that trip was with the help of a guardian angel.

It was a complete 180. The night before, all I cared about was the drink and not getting a DUI, and now all I could do was be filled with the certainty that if I drank again, I would kill some one by drunk driving. Where I would normally admit I was stupid the night before and go about my day with guilt over my actions, this morning, I experienced a complete psychic change. I was aware of my actions and overwhelmed with the reality and gravity of the situation. The first few hours of sobering up that morning changed my life, and just the other day I celebrated another continuous month of sobriety. I have been able to help other people who were in my shoes so they also can enjoy a sober life. I know I am only sober today because of God, and it was his angels watching over me that allowed me to finally get the message.